on learning to feed my soul

I don’t think I ever realized how easy feeding my soul was in the states. If I was having a bad day, a day where seeing the goodness of people was hard, I could pick up the phone and call my mom. Or any number of people, really. I could use my mornings off from work to have a good conversation with one of my best friends, the women who anchor me and hold my arms up when I can’t hold them myself. I could take my dog to the dog park, stopping at Starbucks on the way. I could lay by the pool with a good book, listen to music that resonates with my heart at times that I could not find my own words. I was able to go to a church every Sunday and sing songs that reflect both the joy and the doubt of my own heart. Songs that talk about the tension and how good the Lord is. I went to community group every Tuesday where I got to do life with a bunch of people whose honesty and openness was challenging and life-giving. I got to hang out with an awesome 2 year old two days a week whose joy and fun personality made life not seem as hard. And even though I worked in a high-stress environment, I worked with a bunch of women who inspired me and were so much fun to be around.

But here, things are different. It’s a lot harder to feed my soul. I can’t drive through Starbucks or play with my dog after a long day. I don’t get to have coffee with my anchors whenever I want to. Church is way different here and life here is so chaotic, it’s hard to truly rest. So, I’m learning what I need to do to feed my soul. I’m learning new ways to keep myself grounded in the Lord. I’m learning more about who I am and how I function. I’m learning to be resilient and I am learning how to find a deeper reliance on the Lord. I’m learning about the wilderness and what it means to walk through this season joyfully.

I’m learning that I need to read words regularly that challenge me, that encourage me, that are written by people who don’t have it all together. I need to hear people’s stories of the Lord’s faithfulness, of His goodness in the midst of suffering. I’m learning to feed my soul by listening to music that touches my spirit, that encourages me and takes me to a place of understanding, music that I can relate to. Music filled with doubt and hope and grace. I’m also learning that I need to give myself a break, that my life can’t be all learning Hindi and making English lessons and everything else. I also need to create. Whether it’s another decorating project or knitting or reading (the amazon gift cards my mom has been sending are a life saver) or my newest hobby — baking (I know, no one is more surprised than I am). I need to be doing something other than studying. And I need to be able to have good conversations. Conversations that are unrelated to life here and ministry, but I also need to have conversations about that too. I need to be able to talk openly about what we’re experiencing here and what we’re walking through.

My soul is the same, no matter where I am. But I am learning new ways to ensure that I do not become weary. That I fully rest in who the Lord is and all that He is doing. I am learning to embrace our life here and finding ways to lean into the ways that it is hard. And there are days that I do this well. That I conquer the difficulty of daily life. And then there are days that my knees buckle underneath me and I get tossed around. But I am thankful that The Lord is the same. On my bad days, on my good days and all the days in between.

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3 thoughts on “on learning to feed my soul

  1. thank you for sharing about your lives and everything that God is doing through you guys 🙂 It has been really neat to follow your updates. Praise God for all that you are doing and all the work that He is doing to grow and mature each of you during this time!

    I have been in touch with Stephanie and her and I are planning to go to Nepal in February. It will be neat to be so close to you guys!

  2. We enjoy hearing from you all. You are in our daily prayers. Have you received the jerky pkg. yet? I ordered it from Vermont Country Store because I knew it wold be sealed well. Was surprised it was such a small pkg. We sent you money thru our Sunday School Class; thru Tallowood B.C.; to your Baton Rouge Church. Hope that comes thru O.K.

    Have a joyous Christmas season , Mimi and Papa Cliff

  3. Pingback: Nourish. | Preston & Alex

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